I want our baby!

I was doing so well.  Cherising these last few moments of just "Jer and I."  I enjoyed some quiet time and some quality time.  The house is cleaned, laundry done, meals stocked in the freezer, holiday baking complete, presents purchased and wrapped, baby clothes washed and folded, and everything is finished.  Now we wait.  Each one of these last 8 days has seemed to go on forever.  Each morning I wake up and expect to feel slightly different.  My heart sinks a little each morning as I awake feeling great, just like the day before.  I don't expect to feel bad (and I'm thrilled that I haven't), but I expect to feel different...something!  Especially because each and every day I get a phone call or a text from multiple, wonderful people in my life asking me just that - "Do you feel anything today?  Anything different?  Any pressure? Any pain?"  All I can do is smile, thank them for asking, and tell them no. 

I'm ready and excited and I am a bit scared.  I've always been afraid of the unknown. I know that God is holding me in His hands and I shouldn't worry, but I do.  I know that I can do this.  I know that my body was created to give birth to a precious baby and without a doubt my heart is ready to love and raise a child.  I just need to keep reminding myself that I can do this.  I will do this. 

Today marks 41 weeks and 1 day.  I have an appointment with our midwife on Wednesday.  She'll check to see if and how things are progressing and we'll talk about our options at that point.  As of right now, I will be induced on Sunday the 18th or Monday the 19th (my choice)  if Nella hasn't arrived on her own before then. 

Due Date

Today is 12.04.11.  I have written and typed that date on so many different things in the past nine months.  All for one reason though - that is the date our baby Nella is due.  That date is today, and well, I'm pretty sure this day will come and go without her birth.  I know that it is just an estimated day and that she wasn't going to automatically appear on this day. Although, the planning would be a lot easier if it worked that way.  I fear that I will go to sleep tonight with a slightly lonely heart.  I love being pregnant, but I'm pretty sure that I will love being a momma more.  I'm ready to have that opportunity.  Both Jer and I are anxious and excited for her arrival.  Sweet Jesus, I just want to hold my baby!  I am perfectly fine going a few extra days.  I feel great physically, for the most part.  Like I said, LOVING being pregnant over here.  My anxiety is set to get the best of me though if I don't keep it in check.  I pray for peace and for a healthy little baby and a nice labor and delivery experience.  I love that there isn't much for me to do except sit back and leave it up to God.  Sometimes there is great comfort in that.  Other times it's hard.  For now, I will take a deep breath and know that God is placing His final touches on our baby girl.  Before we know it, she will be here and this amazing pregnancy will just be a distant (but wonderful) memory.

How did that happen?

I journal daily.  Old school, in a book, with a pen.  I want my family to have something to hold onto, to open, to read, long after I'm gone.  It sits by my nightstand and I try to write daily.  When one book is full, I move on to another.  Currently, my journal sits on my nightstand with the books that we read to Nella while she is nestled up in my tummy.  It shares space with my prenatal vitamins and my chapstick, both bedtime must-haves.

When I went to date this morning's journal entry it dawned on me that my due date is exactly 3 months from today and we're now headed into the 3rd trimester.  Everything seems to be going by so quickly.